Historical:Silver Sporks : Draco Dormiens - Chapter 10
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This is a spork created by a member of silver sporks. It was originally posted on their LiveJournal community.
Unconscious, Harry fell, and as he fell he dreamed. In his dream, he hoped, and his hope was that this all was just a dream. Sadly, the fic was quite real.
Snip for run of the mill dream scene description, and:
"Hermione," he said, coming towards her. "I think I'm falling."
"For me?" she said, looking thrilled.
"No, I mean, literally falling," he said. "Like, rushing through the air falling. In fact, I feel kind of sick." Oh, we all feel kind of sick Harry, it’s normal in this fic.
The thrilled look was wiped off her face, to be replaced with a look of fury. "You are such an idiot, Harry Potter," she said, raised her arm, and hit him hard in the head with her tennis racket.
Harry yelled with pain. "What'd you do that for?" he shouted. "Honestly!"
Now that was as subtle as… well, as being hit in the head with a tennis raquet.
Snip for Harry waking up in the Weasleys flying car.
Harry sat bolt upright. "What--what?" he stammered. "How? You? Here? Flying car?"
"That's right," agreed George. "Us. Here. Flying car."
I have to cut in to say, this is very close to how I would write canon-Weasley twins… it’s unnerving.
"Suethor He seems to have an excellent grasp of the essentials, doesn't she he?" observed Fred.
Snip for Mr Weasley having a mid-life crisis, thus buying a convertible.
"But what are you doing here?" said Harry in amazement. “I thought you had run free from this fic!” "Don't tell me you were taking your dad's car for a midnight spin and you just happened to spot me toppling over a cliff."
"Not hardly," said Ron. "As to that..." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, which he threw in Harry's lap. "I was going to be really pissed off at you," said Ron, "it’s your fault we’re stuck in this mess, but since you've just fallen off a massive cliff, I'll give you a break. It’s really the suethor’s fault after all."
Harry unfolded the paper wonderingly. It was a note, addressed to HARRY POTTER IN ALL BOLDS LIKE OMG!!, and he had to scan it twice before the contents sank in. "It's the ransom note," he said, amazed. "The one Wormtail sent to me at school, telling me they had Sirius here." He looked at Ron in wonder. "How did you get hold of it?"
"Harry, you thundering great prat," said Ron in disgust. "I opened your mail, of course. What'd you think I was going to do? You and Hermione vanish, and then I get this mad note from her - remind me to show it to you- saying she's gone off with you on some sort of rescue mission and not to tell anyone. But if she didn’t want anyone to know, why did she leave me a note? Well, naturally I knew something very bizarre was up, ‘cause your canon selves always know to bring me in your rescue missions, so when this nasty-looking black bird arrived the next day with a letter for you, of course I opened it."
"And a bloody good thing he did," interjected Fred.
"So I showed it to Fred and George right away, and we went rushing home and got Dad's new car that he bought with the money from the joke shop, which of course he'd enchanted to fly … he enchanted the money from the joke-shop to fly??! That sounds… really funny, but I doubt Fred and George would agree, as it is THEIR joke shop after all – SNIP they stole the car. And then you let go and you fell, just hurtled down, mind, it was really terrifying, so George jammed on the accelerator and we rocketed straight down and swerved under you to catch you." Ron sighed in satisfaction. "It was better than the Wronski Feint." You know, I googled “Wronski Feint” just to see if it was spelled right (it is), and came across a very... interesting definition on the urban dictionary. I’ll never underestimate the amount of HP fans who are bigger pervs than me.
SNIP for Harry realizing Hermione and Sirius still think he fell to his death, and freaking out in accordance. By the way, leaving them to cry…not a nice thing for the Weasleys to do. But of course, in every Harry/Hermi fic, Red Hair = Git.
Oh, also: Ron freaks over Hermione kissing Draco, but only ‘cause he ships Harry/Hermione. Yeah, I know.
***
Hermione rarely cried, and Harry had never heard her cry like that. It was a horrible, lost, awful sound. It was as if a thousand people cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced! … what, only the suethor can borrow famous lines??
SNIP Sirius sees Harry alive, but doesn’t tell Hermione. Hermione sees Ron, not Harry, and tells Ron Harry is dead.
Ron patted her head. "Dead, did you say?" he said, not sounding the least bit sad. "Well, it was bound to happen."
Hermione pulled back a little and looked up at him uncertainly. "What?"
"Well, he led such a risky sort of life," said Ron, ignoring the shocked look on her face, "Don’t you think? I suppose the only thing for us to do is dedicate the rest of our lives to making sure the memory of Harry neve’r BAD SPELLCHCK!! fades from the recollection of the wizarding world. Perhaps a zonking is that even a word??… great monument is the way to go. Some huge block of marble with a statue of our favorite midget in glasses right on top. We can get Fred and George to fund the construction." Seeing her expression, Ron relented and shut up. "Hermione, you great ninny," he said with a grin. "Look behind me."
Excuse me Mrs Weasley, but I need this right now: RON WOULD NEVER BE SUCH A CRUEL GIT TO HERMIONE!!!! OR TO ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER!!!! He is silly, and sometimes a bag full of testosterone for brains, but he is not a complete jerk!!!
SNIP
A second later, Harry had shoved Ron (rather rudely) out of the way, and was sitting next to her on the ground. "Hermione," he breathed, putting his arms around her. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...Ron's an idiot." He turned and glared at Ron. "Ron, you're an idiot!" Ron rolled his eyes. "I'm fine," Harry went on. "Don't cry."
But she wasn't really crying - more gasping in great, shuddering breaths as if she couldn't get enough air. Harry held her and she clung on to him, breathless, burying her head in his shoulder. Harry looked over her head at Ron and mouthed desperately: What should I do? Right, ‘cause you want advice from someone who just joked about you being dead to the same girl you’re holding right now. Makes sense.
SNIP
The Weasley twins watched Harry and Hermione clutching on to each other as if the world were ending, and shook their heads.
George sighed. "Look at him," he said in an undertone, "he's got one of the great makeout lines of all time available to him - 'hey, I'm back from the dead' -and he doesn't use it."
"He's a cretin," agreed Fred.
"I'm glad he's alive, though," said Ron, who was listening.
"Me, too," said George. "We've got a match against Slytherin coming up next week and we'd be flattened without him."
Damn it Suethor, stop getting the twins in character!!! It doesn’t become you.
***
SNIP for Sirius saying they can’t leave without Draco, another moment of canon-resemblance from the Weasleys (they don’t want to look for Draco), and then Sirus drops “da bomb”:
"Only because Voldemort used the Veritas curse on him," said Sirius, sharply.
Harry and Hermione both started talking at the same time, and Sirius held up a hand.
"Draco didn't tell me," he said. "I guessed. And I wasn't going to tell you, because I figured it was his business, but you might as well know. And I'd like to see you, Ron," he said with a flash of anger in Ron's direction, "fight it as hard as he did." Leave Ron alone bitch, he doesn’t even know Draco’s pod person is the martir kind!!
Hermione and Harry looked at each other, with identical expressions of guilty horror. Then they turned back to Sirius. "Why didn't he tell us?" demanded Hermione. "He said Voldemort didn't torture him to get him to talk."
"The Veritas curse isn't torture," said Sirius. "Technically speaking." I will not quote The Daily Show, I will not quote The Daily Show…
"He's so stubborn," said Harry, angrily.
"Like someone else I could mention," said Sirius.
Harry looked at his shoes. "Go and get him, Sirius," he said. I won’t go myself because, you know… I wanna take the chance to make out with Hermione before Draco gets here and makes out with her. I hate sloppy seconds. You understand, right?
"Be practical," protested George. "How're we meant to find him?"
Sirius tapped his nose. "You forget I'm a dog," he said. "I can follow his scent. Chase him down."
"That's kind of gross and disturbing," said Fred. "You know that, right?"
I said stop it!! I love canon-twins, and they do not belong here!!
"But very effective," said Sirius. "You five wait here. I'll look for him for twenty minutes and no more. I've a feeling he hasn't gone far."
***
" I've got a question for you, Harry," said Ron. Harry and the Weasleys (possibly another band name? -ed.) who is ed? And why is he speaking in the middle of a narration?
SNIP for Ron telling Harry to go make out with Hermione soon. I don’t want to get into everything about the Harmonian’s argument that I find wrong, because I’ll get ranty. So I’ll just say: RON IS IN LOVE WITH HERMIONE!!! HE GETS JELAUS OF ANY GUY GETTING CLOSE TO HER!! HARRY ISN’T AN EXEPTION!!! Oh, sorry Mrs. Weasley, you can have it back now.
"When I was falling off the cliff," said Harry. "Just right before my sleeve came off. I told her I loved her."
"Way to do the exit line," said Fred, sounding deeply impressed.
"Yeah, it's almost too bad we saved you," added George, "her whole life, she'd never have forgotten you if that was the last thing you ever said to her."
Suethor, for the last time, STOP IT!!
SNIP for Sirius finding little Emo-Kid number 1, aka Draco-pod
Draco was sitting with his bank to the trunk of a tree. His legs were drawn up, his head on his knees. He reminded Sirius oddly of Narcissa, perhaps because he looked so vulnerable, and his hair, like hers, was white-silver in the moonlight. Oh, there’s that subtlety again. Nice. BTW, Sirius is Narcissa’s cousin.
Also, Sirius ships Harry/Draco, because they remind him of his relationship with James back in school. Do I smell a prequel? Will I be able to sleep this night with that in mind?
HUGE SNIP for Sirius’s speech, and Draco wanting to be Harry because he can be good without trying. Honestly Suethor, Harry has had as much internal conflicts as any good fictional character!! He does the right thing because he is good, not because it’s easier to him. That’s why I like him.
***
"Hermione." It was Harry's voice. She opened her eyes and looked up. He was standing over her, a cloudy Harry-shaped shadow backlit by a canopy of stars. For a second she just smiled up at him - it was like a lot of dreams she'd had, except Harry was wearing to much clothes, and she thought she might not quite be awake. In her dreams, though, Harry hadn't been looking quite so anxious. I’m not a native English speaker, but isn’t it simpler to say “hadn’t looked so anxious” or “didn’t look quite so anxious”?
"Harry," she said, sitting up. "Is everything all right?"
"Yeah," he said, looking at her with a funny expression. The twins had given him a clown-make-over kit from their store. "Will you walk with me?"
SNIP Harry thanks her for saving him.
He stopped walking and looked at her. His face in the moonlight was dark, lined with silver shadows, and the white and red paint from the clown kit. It was the most familiar face in the world to her and yet somehow, the least known. Just somehow, nobody quite understood. She had seen Harry’s face every day for five years and still couldn’t recognize it in a crowd. Granted, the clown make up didn’t help Looking at him had that effect on her, as it always did, of making everything else in the world seem not quite real. That’s a sign of schizophrenia, not love. "When I was about to fall," he said. "Did you hear me?"
"I thought you said you loved me," she said, looking away. "But maybe you didn't."
There was a long silence. Then he said, "I did."
Her heart started to pound and she looked down at the grass. "I know you love me, Harry," she said. "I'm your best friend. Is that what you mean?"
"You know it isn't," he replied, dropping his voice.
"I told you," she said, "I told you I wasn't going to have this conversation with you again." This can never work Harry, canon says you love Ginny and I love Ron. Our love is not meant to be. *sheds single-emo-tear *
"Then don't talk," he said. "Just listen to me."
She raised her head and looked at him again. He had that look on his face. Harry's determined look. The look he got when he had to steel himself up to do some horrible thing, like face a Hungarian Horntail, or defeat the Dark Lord, or tell her how he felt about her. Few things are more horrible for a character than declaring love to a Sue. Go on Harry!! You can fight off the imperius curse, you can fight this suethor!!
"I love you," … or maybe not. he said. "And I don't just love you, I'm in love with you. And I have been for ages. "
Hermione just stood there. She felt as if she'd left her body, and the real Hermione was floating somewhere above her head, watching everything with detached interest. Again, that’s schizophrenia, not love.
Harry was looking anxious. "This is supposed to be the bit where you get really happy and kiss me," he said. “Didn’t you read the script?”
"Ages?" Hermione heard herself say. "What do you mean ages?"
SNIP - Hermione gets angry at Harry for not telling her how he felt when she came out to him a year ago. Harry says he was afraid to lose her as a friend. Hermione says he hurt her deeply and lied to her. Oh, the woe!!!
Harry looked astonished. "I never wanted to hurt you," he protested. "I just—I never thought it would work with us, okay? I thought we were too different. You’re a girl, I’m a guy… we’re just not compatible!! And I thought, if I tried to make it work with Cho—" Nice move there, lover boy. Bringing up the ex-girlfriend at a time like this?? Charming.
"That's the difference between you and me," interrupted Hermione, "I never would have tried to make it work with anybody else but you. Except, you know, Draco. But he had your body at the time, I don’t think it counts.”
"I'm trying with you now," said Harry, making a visible effort to be calm.
"You never would have, though, if it hadn't been for Draco. If it hadn't been for him, it never would have occurred to you that you might lose me. You just thought I would sit there, waiting for you to someday show an interest in me, like -- like left luggage!"
"Luggage?" Harry was white with shock.
She folded her arms and glared at him. She was filled with unreasonable anger, which she knew was unreasonable, but it didn't help. Actually her anger is quite reasonable; in this “universe”, Harry did take her for granted, and lied to her, and hurt her. Taking out the emo bits about it, I’d be really angry too. The look on his face made her even angrier. He had been so sure of her. So certain.
"You don't have to say all this," he said finally. "It'd be enough just to tell me you don't love me back." Because that’s why she’s lashing out at you now, she doesn’t have feelings for you anymore. Brilliant, Harry.
"But I do love you, Harry," she said. "I love you more than anything. I love you so it scares me." EEEEMOOOOO
"Then why?" MOOOOOROOOOON.
But she shook her head. "I don’t want to be scared any more," she said, and started moving away from him, back towards the car. EEEEEMOOOOO
"Hermione!" he called after her, sounding desperate. MOOOOOROOOOON
She paused without turning around.
"He doesn't love you like I do," he said to her back. "He doesn't know you like I do."
"No," she said. "And he can't hurt me like you can." EEEEEEEMOOOOOO
She walked away.
*** crack (that would be the sound of Harry's heart breaking into teensy little pieces)*** And so we upgrade Harry from MOOOOROOOOON to EEEEEMOOOOO-kid number two. Cue “My Inmortal” from Evanescense, and sink deep in the darkness of your dark lonely soul.
Now emo-kid number two thinks emo-girl number one hates him. Much wangsting is had. And we learn the twins drink motor oil when depressed.
SNIP
"This is it," said Harry in the same dead voice. "I have hit rock bottom." Admitting it is the first step Harry. Fight the Stu-pod!!!!
"Hey, look," said Fred, pointing. "Sirius is coming back. And he's got Malfoy with him."
"I was wrong," said Harry. "Here's an even lower place."
He straightened up reluctantly. Sirius and Draco were indeed coming towards them, Sirius in human form and Draco looking much as he had last time Harry had seen him. Amazing how that works really. He hadn’t seen him for a couple of hours, and expected to find him with blue hair and a lot of piercings.
Up close, Draco looked -- different. Harry wasn't sure how, exactly. He just did. The piercings were interesting, but the choice of pink hair over blue was unnerving.
HUGE SNIP 2 - for boring chat, thanks and apologies, and Hermione notices Draco’s pink hair too. But since he keeps flirting with her, she doesn’t mind.
Draco got in and sat next to Harry, who didn't turn around. This left nowhere for Hermione to sit.
"Out of room?" said George cheerfully. "Hermione, you'll just have to sit on someone's lap."
Both Draco and Harry looked at her. Harry looked hurriedly away. Hermione glared at George, then sat in Ron's lap. Say it with me now: THIS. IS. CANOOOOOON.
SNIP
She spun around and saw Harry rising out of his seat. In fact, he wasn't rising so much as it looked like he was being lifted by invisible hands -- hauled up by the collar of his shirt and dragged backwards, out of his seat. He had his hands at his throat, trying to keep his shirt from cutting off his air supply. He was unsuccessful, died, and canon was safe again. No? Damn.
SNIP …was Lucius Malfoy, standing about five feet away from Harry. He was holding his wand in one outstretched hand and had it pointed directly at Harry's heart.
"All of you," he said, not looking at them. "Stay where you are."
***
"How did he find us?" Hemrione hissed at Sirius.
"Epicyclical Charm," Convenient plot device Sirius whispered back. He was looking anxiously at Lucius. "Acts as a homing device." works for Rowling, works for the suethors.
Lucius stepped a little closer to Harry, keeping his wand trained on him. Stay wand, stay. Good wand. Now roll over… roll over!! "Harry Potter," he said. Lucius was looking much the worse for wear. His hair was standing wildly out all over his head and his robes his hair was standing out of his robes? That`s… unusual. SNIP,. "All of you have caused me a great deal of trouble." And your dog too.
"Leave him alone, Lucius," growled Sirius. Scooby Doo
"Why should I?" said Lucius, now looking back at Harry. It looked, Hermione thought, like he had put some sort of random paragraph break in the middle of a sentence?
Binding Hex on Harry's hands, she could see ropes around his wrists.
"Because you can't kill all of us," said Sirius sharply. "And if you touch Harry -"
"Why says I can't kill you all?" said Lucius, talking just like Smeagol looking rather mad. "I am a Malfoy Stu!!11! In my veins runs the blood of Salazar Slytherin!"
SNIP Luci will disobey Voldi and kill Harry himself.
He pointed his wand at Harry. "Avada—"
And broke off. Because Draco had darted forward and placed himself between Lucius’ wand...and Harry. He faced his father, panting slightly, looking at him steadily.
Lucius Malfoy frowned. "Get out of the way, Draco," he said impatiently.
"No," said Draco, who was looking very pale. "If you want to kill Harry, you'll have to kill me first." I’m not staying in this fic any longer than he has to!!!
SNIP Pod-Draco won’t get out of the way
"Ah, well," said Lucius. "I am young. I can marry again. I will manipulate another woman and have more children. Hopefully they won’t turn out to be such blatant Stues"
And he tightened his hand on the pendant plot device in his fist, digging his nails in.
Draco screamed and crashed to the earth like a tree falling. As he fell, he collided with Harry, who was knocked to the ground with Draco on top of him - blue in the face, but still breathing.
Lucius released his tight hold on the pendant, and Hermione saw it glimmering in his fist - dented, but not broken.
Not yet. *DUM – DUM – DUMMMM*
SNIP
Lucius reached the crumpled forms of Harry and Draco. He bent down and seized the back of his son's shirt in one hand, and yanked him off Harry. He shoved Draco's limp body aside. “MY SON WILL NOT TAKE PART OF A SLASH FIC!!!!”
Ehm…. Lucius? I’m sorry to do this, but… *gives Lucius internet access*
**Two minutes later**
TAKE COVER EVERYONE!!!
Lucius: AVADAKEDAVRACRUCIOINCENDIOKILLEVERYLIVINGTHINGINSIGHT!!!
…. Ok, is everyone alive?? Good. Now Lucius, you may want to take that rage to the Suethors, they’re the ones who write Draco/anyone yaoi fics. May I point you towards the Pit of Voles??
** cackles maniacally as Lucius runs off**
And now we return you to your regular spork already in progress.
Harry lay on the ground with his hands under him, looking up at Lucius.
"Goodbye, Harry," said Lucius, lifting his wand.
"Hello, Lucius,," said Harry, and sat up.
**musical interlude:*
You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
**************
Sorry, had to do that XD .Back to the spork now (again):
SNIP Harry got out of his binds, they defeat Lucius, get the Epicycly-plot-devicy-thingy, and think Draco is gonna die. Much wangst is had by all.
Draco looked at Harry. "How did you get those ropes off?" he said.
Harry lifted the sword. "Sliced them off on the edge of this," he said, and Hermione saw that his wrists were cut and bleeding a little EEEEMOOOOO. "And you know what else?" he added, and turned the sword over. "I think your dad might have been right about you all being Stues related to Slytherin." He turned the blade so the others could see the words inscribed on the handle, just above the green gems: Salazar Slytherin. Gary Stu.
"I always knew I was special, a Stu" said Draco, and shut his eyes again.in shame.
SNIP they decide to go to Hogwarts in the flying car, because it’s so much faster than apparating on Hogsmade or making a Portkey. Andno Sirius is being secretive and wangsty about the epiciclythingy to everyone else. Oh, andDraco seems to be dieing. Anyone else care? No? Good.
Stay tuned for the last chapter of this dreck, where we reach new unheard of levels of Stue-dom. I promise it won’t take forever, just maybe a couple of days. I actually have a day shift tomorrow at the hospital (Sunday, wich sucks), but I might make some progress today. Should I be studying?? Yeees.... but broken bones are boring, so :P.
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